Prioritizing my Goals
Last year I realized I stopped prioritizing myself. I know that there were moments leading up to that realization—longing to form meaningful connections and yet failing to do so, projects that left me unfulfilled. I sought ways to fit things on my calendar that would bring me satisfaction and a sense of purpose, yet I didn’t truly block time for myself. Instead, I fit projects in around my spouse’s calendar and around our children’s calendars. I occupied the spaces in between.
Each life event that happened, I would scoop up the responsibility, adding it to the load that I was already carrying. While my spouse would reassess his responsibilities and the load he was carrying as his role at workload grew, I would pick up any pieces that were no longer his.
Last year, I started putting the pieces down. I made a conscious choice to prioritize my goals —not around the family schedule, but carving the space out in our time and budget for myself. There were many moments that I doubted if the expense and effort was justified, when I debated dropping classes for the sake of budget and childcare, or if working part-time was the best use of my time. Those concerns circled around in my head, making me question choices I should have been confident in and that fulfilled me.
I don’t know why, as a woman and a parent, I think my career needs to cover all childcare costs and all of my expenses, especially since the reason why I did not pursue my career seriously in the past is that my husband’s career did not cover all of our childcare costs and our expenses. I remind myself of my long-game when the doubt creeps in. I know that my part-time job is perfect for my resume. I know my degree will help further my career. I know my blog and my website are part of my long-term goal as a writer and editor. In fact, my blog is what helped me get the job I have now. I see how these dots connect and how important they are to get me where I want to go. Essentially, the doubt is hard not to listen to and I know it serves me no purpose.
Recently, I was filling out a form for one of our children. It asked for the work phone number for both parents and the job title for both parents. I filled my spouse’s out with “US Navy” and paused at my own line. I wrote down my job and my company phone number and realized I could also write “college student” or “blogger.” I have many titles and roles now. Even better, I am using the skills I gained through my experiences to accomplish my personal and professional goals.